Destiny Has Called

October 22, 2009 at 7:40 PM (Uncategorized)

The 1st time I went to Washington State, it felt like home and that was about 15 years ago. I never stopped talking about it and always wanted to go back.   I did go back; last week.  I need to explain some things before I go any further with this.

I’ve never been lucky in love.  I was always disappointed and frustrated. I would cry myself and my soul to sleep many nights and I would dream about that right person for me.  The one who would “get me”, the one who would just know me and love me for who I am.  Someone who would be in sync with me at every movement; at every point. He would look into my eyes and see my soul and my future- vice versa.  He would be not only my lover, but my best friend,cheerleader, supporter and my guide. He would make me laugh and also accept my silliness. This love encompasses everything and you feel whole and at peace.  The exact feeling is indescribable.

I have now found that now.  Perhaps we already knew before we met again after so long.  He was in my life before, but we hardly knew each other then. I think these 12-13 years of growing and having our experiences made us for “this” at this time.  I suppose we don’t really know why this has happened now, but it has. This is more/extra of a reason why I’m moving to Washington.  Not only because I love it there and when I landed, a voice told me “You are home” but also because I found true love.

I realized other things as well.  Lately, in this past year, I felt that I needed a change- something new.  I had an epiphany and thought that I needed to leave Ohio. Things like not finding a job yet, not getting certain things for my room I need, writing again and reconnecting with him among other various things have made me realize that these signs were here and I wasn’t noticing them at the time.

I am taking actions now so I can move to Washington.  I started applying for jobs, made some contacts and now the Universe knows of my plans.  I’m manifesting my desires so they can become a reality.  If I had one wish right now, I wish that I would come into a large sum of money so I can just take off with my cats into his arms now. But, until then, I will keep plugging away, anxiously waiting to see him with open arms and begin my new life.




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Sounds Of Comfort-Bringing Back Memories

October 10, 2009 at 11:35 PM (Uncategorized)

A friend on Twitter mentioned something and it compelled me to write about it. Growing up, I was pretty much an only child.  I have an older half brother, but he lived with his mother, so I didn’t see him much.  My younger brother wasn’t born until I was almost 15.  I was alone a lot; when my parents were married, dad worked either 2nd or 3rd shift so I didn’t get to see him until the weekends (and when I did see him, I didn’t leave his side) and my mom, well, to be honest she really wasn’t there emotionally for me. I sought refuge in my room and my play-set in the backyard that dad built for me himself.  It was under a big tree next to the field that let to a small creek in the back. He hung a tire for me from that tree and the set had a balcony on the top and I could slide down a PVC pipe down from it.  I remember always being afraid of going down the slide because it was so high up; but I always managed to do it anyway and was so proud of myself afterwards. I also had a swing that I would swing on for hours and make up songs.  I think I made up those songs so I could feel comforted.  I would always go to my grandpa’s backyard right next door and play in the tool shed; I felt it was like my house and then I would go and sit underneath a big tree in his yard and watch the crop duster spray the fields. Then, eventually, I would venture back to the creek and walk along it to my uncle’s yard and sit on the bridge he made and then I would walk into the cornfields and take some baby corn to eat; it tasted so sweet. I would also visit grandpa Barney on occasion because he would always give me a sweet treat of some sort but I wouldn’t stay long because, well, he was the grumpy type. (RIP grandpa, I always know you meant well) Please, don’t feel any bit sorry for me; I also had my Great Aunt Mattie who took care of me often. (I miss you everyday)

But, at night, when I was in my room seeking solace and when I rested my head on my pillow and fall asleep I would hear the furnace kick on and it would make me smile. It would wake me up, but for some reason, the sound comforted me, made me feel safe and I always went back to sleep.  Even now, in the winter, when I hear the furnace, I smile. Maybe because even then, as a child, I knew everything would be alright eventually and I have to remind myself that now everything will be alright. I think as a child I knew more than I thought I did.

*My play set dad built for me was torn down about 10 years ago and I admit I cried when I saw it was gone…

My friend @Resarrection posted this: “The sound of the furnace reminds me of the night we lit the pilot & laying on the floor in the hall talking & laughing. Makes me smile.” & “I know exactly what you mean, makes me feel safe & warm, makes it feel like ‘home’.”

Thanks Resa, I thought I was the only one who felt that and it brought back memories.


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Paying It Forward By “Healing”: An Interview With Musician Josh Charles

October 5, 2009 at 5:05 PM (Interviews, Music, Concerts) (, , , )

Josh Charles

Josh Charles is a remarkable man and musician.  He is an inspiration to others; more should pay it forward for the greater good.  Josh is giving back to the community of New Orleans.  Download the single “Healing Time” on iTunes or Amazon and 100% of the proceeds  go to The Preservation Resource Center (PRC) of New Orleans to help rebuild, restore, and preserve the architectural history and historic neighborhoods that support the local culture and character of New Orleans.  As stated in an article in the Huffington Post by 2morrowknight, Josh stated that ” I’m trying to do my part to give back to the city of New Orleans which has given me so much as an artist.”

Read more at: Huffington Post

Josh began playing at an early age.  He began playing piano at the age of 8  and he started playing guitar at 13.  He was classically trained and spent summers at band camp.  His piano playing can be linked back to blend of New Orleans music and gospel styles.  You feel at peace when you listen to him play; a part of you can go back in time and feel his soulful music enter your heart  and you can’t help but move along with the notes.

Josh Charles is also teaching a master class at Steinway Music Hall in NYC on the how to play New Orleans /Boogie Woogie Piano even if you’re never played. It is Saturday, October 10th from 3-5 PM; all beginners are welcome.  If interested, please contact him: masterclass@joshcharlesmusic

You are on Twitter; have you found that spreading your music and message has been helped by it?

I am thankful that I found Twitter. I was just telling Gavin DeGraw last night that I find Twitter to be my favorite way to communicate with fans. It’s amazing, in real-time you can share personal thoughts, pics,vids,music and I really enjoy interacting with people. When I’m on tour, I meet people from Twitter and I’m so appreciative for their support. Twitter is also how I stay connected to everyone. There is so much great content on Twitter and I feel so lucky to have so many great tweeps who help me out – I must name some here: @buzzedition,@alyssa_milano @collective_soul ,@jason_pollock @_stevewoods @kevin_desoto @kim @lorimoreno @krystynchong  –the list goes on and on but I feel very lucky to be considered worthwhile among tweeps.  In short, I love TWITTER..

You have said you are a “wandering nomad” and you feel a kinship to New Orleans.  Do you see yourself moving back there soon?

At some point, I would love to move to New Orleans for Take 2. I love the city with all my heart and soul.

You started playing in blues clubs when you were a teenager.  Do you have any crazy stories from playing in clubs at such a young age?

My first job was at a blues joint in KC. It was on a 100 year old beat up piano with jagged keys and missing notes- I would bleed from the sharp edges and playing so hard. I had no microphone and it was a 4 hour a night rowdy blues and boogie woogie gig.

What makes you want to get up every day?  What inspires you?

I love being able to share my music with the world. Knowing that it’s helping make a difference in people’s lives is a very powerful thought. I take it very seriously and work very hard on my craft.

You recently met Smokey Robinson; please tell us of that experience.  How does it feel to meet other remarkable musicians?

One of the nicest, most gracious and caring guys on this planet. He fills the room with joy and it’s an honor. I”ve been so fortunate to meet amazing people and musicians. Just recently, I shared an afternoon with Allen Toussaint playing piano and singing songs and it was a highlight of my musical life. I mean it’s Allen Toussaint!

If you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

Wow just one?  I’d love to have spent a day with Ray Charles 🙂

“Healing Time” is eligible for Grammy’s in the following categories: Best New Artist, Song of the Year and Record of the Year.  That is incredible; how does it make you feel to be recognized in that way?

It’s an honor! Healing Time has tremendous potential to make a difference in people’s lives and help rebuild New Orleans. I can’t stress enough how important it is for people to download the song and pay it forward.

To learn more about Josh Charles and his cause, please visit his web page:

Follow Josh Charles on Twitter:

Become a fan on his Facebook Page:

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“Bad Things” With Jace Everett

October 2, 2009 at 1:17 AM (Interviews, Music, Concerts) (, , , , )


Photo Courtesy of

You have heard Jace Everett’s voice.  HBO’s huge success, True Blood, has his song “Bad Things” as the opening title theme.  It’s his sexy, sultry voice that you can’t help sing along with or tap your foot to when you sit down to watch it on Sunday nights.

Jace is just more than one song of a hit TV show. His talent is evident.  His deep, sweltering, expressive music turns you on, grabs you and doesn’t let go.  When you listen, you can relate and take the stroll with him along his emotional memories.

Jace, when did you realize you made it in the music business?  What was your defining moment?

Have I made it? I’ve been making my living with music for over 10 years. In a sense that’s “making it”. But this business is really about tenacity. You go up and down like a see-saw for years only to find when you look back that the only thing that’s amazing is that you’re still doing it! My defining moment is every day I get up and do it again.

When did you 1st start singing and realize it is what you wanted to do with your life? How did you prove to others that you will be successful?

I started singing in public when I was 12. I always knew this was what I wanted. I don’t really worry about proving things to other people. It’s enough to prove it to myself.

Which singers do you emulate?

All of them! Big influences on my actual singing are Bono, Tom Waits, Tom Petty, Joe Cocker, Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash. Different songs call for different kinds of singing. Those are the guys I rip off most often though!

Your song, “Bad Things” is the open title song for the show True Blood; how did that come about?  Did you have any idea how big this show was going to be and how has the success of it impacted your music and life?

Alan Ball discovered the song on iTunes and thought it was a good fit. Turns out he was right. The show has been a huge shot in the arm for me.

I have listened to your new album, Red Revelations and it is filled with dark, bluesy, arousing goodness.  What was your focus for this album?

I wanted to synthesize all my different influences into a fresh sound. Outlaw country, rock and roll, blues, torch songs, the whole shebang.

How would you personally categorize your music?  More Rockabilly than country? More like blues than rock?  All of them?

Yeah, I leave that up to the marketing guys. My music is just that; my music.

You like whiskey like I do, what is your favorite kind?

Jamesons Irish

What do you do to unwind from a crazy day?

See above!

What is your “Bad Thing” or habit?

Too many to list.

I would love to see you do a duet with Chris Isaak; perhaps go on his show, The Chris Isaak Hour because you remind me so much of him.  Could that be a possibility?

Chris is a far better singer than I am. Beautiful falsetto. Very Orbison. A lot of folks assume the “Bad Things” was a take-off on “Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing”, but it wasn’t. I’m certainly a fan of his and there’s obviously some rockabilly in my music, but Chris does a really unique and great thing that’s quite different from me. I’d be delighted to work with him. Never know.

Can we expect a nationwide tour soon?  I would love to see you in Columbus, Ohio.

We’ll see how sales go. It takes money to make it, but I’m on the West coast a lot this year as well as some UK shows. 2010 should be busy.

Please, give me one crazy story from a show.

I remember playing a small club back in the 1990’s when the power went out. Turns out the manager of another act had pulled the plug in the middle of my set! I was young and full of rage. I picked up a monitor and threw  it across the stage at the guy. The power returned pretty quickly.

How do you prepare for a show?

Quietly with about 15 minutes of silence in a room by myself.

What is the biggest lesson that you have learned in your career?

Never surrender, never quit, and don’t believe everything you hear; the bad or the good.

You have been nominated for Spike TV’s Scream Song of the Year; how does that make you feel?


To vote for him, please go here:

To know even more about Jace; to see where he will be playing and to buy his album RED REVELATIONS, visit his website:

Follow him on Twitter!


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Untitled Poetry

September 26, 2009 at 5:09 PM (Poetry)

I wrote this early last week on a whim on Facebook:

Passion of the heart never dies and the soul contains deep recesses of many facets,

but dismayed to show one,

Can adoration drive out the fear?

Can the walls ever disintegrate and open up completely?

Then my friend Carl Miller added to it:

When adoration evolves, it spreads like the wings of the albatross; mighty and wide.

When those ailerons beat, no fortification may be erected high enough to divide,

No matter the penance,

the trepidation and abhorrence.

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Breaking Through Walls; The Essence Of Being Unstoppable – An Interview With Musician Roni Bryant

September 26, 2009 at 2:33 PM (Interviews, Music, Concerts) (, , )

Read the rest of this entry »

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Thomas Greanias Emerging: More Mystical Than Atlantis Itself

September 19, 2009 at 1:00 AM (Interviews) (, , , , )


Thomas Greanias is the New York Times bestselling author of Raising Atlantis, The Atlantis Prophecy and The Atlantis Revelation. Also, his eBooks are No.1 on Amazon worldwide and his Audiobooks on iTunes are No.1 worldwide. He is one of the leading authors of adventure novels. When you read one of his novels, you can’t put it down.  You are pulled into a vortex of mystery and intrigue.

The mystery of Atlantis appeals to many. A lot wonder if it really existed; perhaps even buried far below an ocean. Maybe someone will find Atlantis someday, but until then, we can read and enjoy the puzzle surrounding it.

I was ecstatic when Thomas agreed to an interview.  I feel honored and privileged.

What is your process of researching for your novels?

A mix of intuition and connecting the dots. There are so many mind-blowing “factoids” floating out there in our overloaded information age dying for some perspective. I end up looking at the trends behind those facts, past and present, and extrapolate what the future might hold, where we might be heading.

What drove you to pen the Atlantis novels?

The failure of my screenplay Chain of Command —my “big buck spec script,” according to Daily Variety —to get produced back in the late 1990s. It was about a female secretary of education who becomes the president after a nuclear attack takes out Washington and the first 15 guys in line. Columbia made the similar “Air Force One” with Harrison Ford instead. Since then, every actress considered for my script eventually played a female president, vice president or first lady in a movie or TV series: Glenn Close (Air Force One),Sigourney Weaver (Dave), Geena Davis (Commander in Chief) and Mary McDonnell (Battlestar Galactica). What’s funny is that over the years at Hollywood parties I get comments from some people about how much they loved my movie. They think they’ve seen it, but it was never made. So instead of waiting for Hollywood, I wrote Raising Atlantis.

You have been a correspondent for national security issues; has this experience given you a lot of knowledge for your novels?

The Atlantis Prophecy would not have been possible were it not for my first-hand tunnel-crawling and associated experiences in Washington, D.C., years ago. I knew I was going to write a novel about it someday, but I didn’t know it would come out after Raising Atlantis as The Atlantis Prophecy.

I am a big fan of Clive Cussler, who has given you high praise. How does it feel to have other bestselling authors,especially of your genre, give you great acclaim?

Flattered and undeserving.

When did you begin writing stories? What or who has been your biggest inspiration?

Preschool. Leo Tolstoy is my biggest inspiration. War and Peace humbles you as a writer with both its vast scale and personal intimacy. And his later short works like Father Sergius and Hadji Murad are practically religious experiences in themselves. But I think it was John Jay Osborn’s novel The Paper Chase, based on his first year of law school at Harvard, that got me started. I loved the idea that we could take the raw experiences of our lives and turn them into stories that inspire others.

What do you do besides writing your next novel; any fun hobbies, any crazy collections?

I do a lot of fun things with my wife and two boys, and I’m fortunate enough to have some of the most interesting friends around. I seem to go back and forth between the sand and snow.

Can you tell us about your new novel that will be coming out?

THE PROMISED WAR is about an Israeli counter-terrorism agent named Sam Deker who gets blown back to 1410 BC and the ancient Israelite army’s history-changing invasion of the Promised Land.

Can you tell us more about the contest that you have been doing for readers?

*You can see the two finalists yourself on YouTube. Just type in Atlantis Revelation.

What advice can you give to struggling writers?

Remember that writing is both a craft and a business. You’ll always struggle with the craft, whether you’re unpublished or Leo Tolstoy (who didn’t believe the novel was even an art form when he penned War and Peace). And the business is changing before our eyes. Editors are spending less time reading manuscripts and more time trolling the Web to see who has an eBook, blog or other form of proof-of-concept that seems to be working. So work your craft, but get your work out there as soon as you can, too.

*Thomas Greanias had a contest called The Atlantis Revelation Movie Trailer Mashup for a chance to win and watch the trailer on CBS. You can see the entries here:

Mashup Entries

Learn more about Thomas Greanias on his website:

On his website,you will also find where to order his books,eBooks and Audiobooks.


Thomas Greanias is on Twitter!  Follow him here!

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Out Of This World U2 Concert- Kickoff in Chicago- 360 Tour

September 18, 2009 at 7:01 PM (Music, Concerts, Uncategorized)

Growing up, I would always hear a U2 song. Whether I turned on MTV, (when it was good) the radio, or sat in my parent’s den to listen to music; U2 was always around and even now, their music is prominent in my life. So, when my friend Brad gave me the opportunity to see them live opening night in Chicago (360 Tour- September 12th, 2009), I couldn’t pass it up! Even if you like them or not, you have to admit that U2 is the best and biggest band out there; they have given us hit after hit for over 20 years.

We (Brad, his sister Allison and me) began our road trip to Chicago on Saturday.  We had the tunes going and it was a pretty smooth 4 hour ride.  (The rest of the trip will be posted later) We got to the hotel, rested for a minute, Brad’s cousin Derek showed up, we changed and headed out for the U2 concert which was at Soldier Field. We were staying in a suburb, so the hotel shuttled us to the Forest Park Terminal to ride the Blue Line, which is a part of the CTA. A worker there was kind enough to help us out and told us where to go to get a weekend train pass and let us on for free!  When we got on, we found out that we had to take a shuttle from one of the stops to another train because of construction. I admit, we were kind of confused, but made our way. We walked around for awhile, found a CVS to get our passes, then walked on down to Soldier Field.  Now, I knew we were going to be a bit of walking that day, and for some reason, I thought we would be directly taken to Soldier Field… No.  I could not tell you what street we were on to start with, but we walked a lot of blocks and it took awhile to get to our most anticipated destination of the night.

We got there pretty much after the doors opened and I was determined to get close to the front as I possibly could!  The others didn’t think it was possible…  As soon as we walked in, we saw this:

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 102U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 103

It is called the “Spaceship”.  I was in awe of it.  It was the most spectacular thing I have ever seen in a concert in my entire life. I saw the pit, and I decided to go for it.  I walked around the side, told the others to come with me and I went right to the front! It is hard to describe the set up, so you can see it here: Yes, we got up to the front even though people have waited for 11 hours to do so.  We were on the left part of the stage where Adam would be playing.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 128U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 130

First up was Snow Patrol and and I was pleasantly surprised! They had a lot of energy and sounded very good live! The stadium wasn’t filled up yet at this point,but a lot of us were singing along with the songs.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 111

After Snow Patrol was done they told us that the U2 concert would be nothing like we’ve seen before, you could feel the anticipation. The whole place started filling in and right before they came on, it was packed.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 133

The excitement in the air was exhilarating.  Finally, after 20 years of listening to them, I get to see U2 live! They came on stage and the whole venue went crazy! I couldn’t believe it; I was here opening night of their 360 Tour in Chicago! U2 did not disappoint!

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 145

They were so full of life, love and energy.  They went walking on these moveable bridges on their specially built stage so they could be closer to their fans.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 154

We were directly in front of Adam who had a smile on his face the whole time.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 144

The “spaceship” had a honeycomb structure that moved up and down and it was also a screen:

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 053U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 172

There was so much to look at during the concert.  My eyes were always moving and I was singing along. They were walking all around and it was quite fun to figure out where they were at.  They played a lot of their old hits and they played a few from their new album.  “Get On Your Boots” was a lot of fun, so was “I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight”.  Of course, I couldn’t wait until they played “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” and when they did, I must admit it brought tears to my eyes because it is one of my favorites.

One of the most fun parts was when Bono put on this jacket and swung around on his microphone:

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 180U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 181

The concert lasted almost 3 hours and I didn’t want it to end.  U2 put on the best show I have ever seen.  They are Rock Gods and they always will be. They rocked my face off!  I highly suggest seeing this tour.  You will not be disappointed and will walk away with no regrets, only higher admiration for U2.

Of course, I was just a little tired after the concert.  Ha-ha

tired from standing us after the u2 concert

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Digging Deep Into Me

September 16, 2009 at 12:39 AM (Uncategorized)

I’ve never had much luck dating, nor luck in relationships.  It seems that I usually find myself with someone who either doesn’t want a relationship, just wants to be “friends” or tends to forget I’m alive. I have beaten myself up about it many times often wondering if there is something wrong with me.  I tend to think I’m a great catch; loving, committed, laid-back, honest, etc etc. I usually mull over what happened and always come to the conclusion that I tend to pick the wrong type of guy for myself and swear I’ll never do it again. Dates don’t come that often for me and it seems I spend a lot of time alone.  (I do go out with friends and such and I’m not talking about that type of alone)  I also think that I cut myself short and “take what I can get” because I feel that I can’t do any better in that certain point of time.  Of course, it’s fun for a while, but it wears off.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I think I’ve figured out why I keep gravitating and attracting these situations and guys.  I think subconsciously it’s what I want; nothing serious.  I’m independent- I like to do what I want when I want and I don’t like to answer to someone.  I have a hard time trusting due to past events and I put up this wall and try not to let anyone in. I put this guard up because I think it won’t work out anyway so when “whatever it is” ends, I won’t be hurt badly. Do I want to be this way?  No. Do I want to feel this way? No.  I so desperately want to love and be loved.  It’s a conundrum. I freak out when a guy does something nice for me; I don’t know how to act. I shrink away because I wonder what he wants from me- does he have an agenda?  Does he just want to get into my pants? I’m not used to guys treating me nice and want to do things for me out of the kindness of their hearts.  I know that I have to let my guard down, but it’s so hard to do.  I wonder how I will overcome this… Will it be by someone who comes along who is finally right for me?  Someone who will love me for me and see me for what I really am? Someone who will want to get to know me and ask me questions?  Hold my hand?  Actually look into my eyes with admiration?  I don’t know.  No man has ever “truly” known me or has wanted to.  My words seemed to have meant nothing.  It’s hard to retrain yourself from the past; it’s hard sometimes to let go of what has happened.

Well, when that right guy for me comes along, he will have found his muse, his partner, supporter, mentor, lover, his cheerleader and a million other things that comes along with me.  Until then, I guess I will just keep working on myself to make me better and continue on the journey of self-love, determination and patience.

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Fluid- A Short Story

September 3, 2009 at 5:40 PM (Short Stories) (, , , )


A Short Story by Misty Wilkins

She woke up drenched in sweat.  It must have been a bad dream, but it was escaping her mind fast. Flashes of madness, screams and blood.  So much blood…  She kept on shaking; the sweat on her salty skin was turning cold.  She tasted the copper on her lips and felt nauseated. Her stomach started to turn and had the kind of feeling you have when caught in a lie and don’t know what to do. “What happened?” she thought.  She fought to get out of bed, tangled in wet sheets.  She felt like she was paralyzed.  Arwyn lay in bed for five minutes struggling to get out.  She felt chained to it.  She finally managed to put her feet on the carpet. Arywn felt pain explode through her head like someone was trying to wrench a bolt into it.  As she tried to stand up, she face-planted the floor. Arwyn moaned and thought she couldn’t take much more of this.  Did she break her nose?  She tried to lift her head up and blood started pouring down her face. Her head fell back down on the carpet.  She turned her gaze towards her bed and started screaming at the sight under it.


Arwyn thought she was hallucinating. The night light gave illumination of what she saw. The gore in front of her green eyes could not be there.  It seemed to be human.  It also seemed to have some sort of face, but half of it was gone.  Ribbons of flesh hung from its face like a curtain.  An eyeball hung from its socket to the carpet dripping blood in what seemed to be two second increments.  Dark blood curdled out from the body. As she got the courage to inch closer, the body was ripped open; the rib cage was visible.  She inched even closer… The heart was still in its chest.  The body was naked and she saw a penis and the only article of clothing he had was a red tie that seemed to be entangled in his ribs.  “Ok” she thought, “It’s a man. But why is a man dead underneath my bed?”  Arwyn’s mind was racing.  One million thoughts were running through it; counting sheep won’t help her sleep tonight.  Actually, she may never sleep again.

“I need to call the Police! No! Wait!  I can’t explain why a mutilated dead man is under my bed!  Maybe I should walk through my house. No!  What if the murderer is still here?”  She thought.  Arwyn got up, still aching and her head still throbbing.  She looked down, she was naked.  She never sleeps naked.  There was blood all over her. She had scratches on her breasts and arms; not quite deep enough to need stitches, but just enough to still be bleeding.  Her long blond hair was caked in crimson.  She looked over at the bed; smears of blood were all over the sheets.  “This can’t be real.” She thought.  Arwyn willed herself to walk into the master bathroom.  Even though the bathroom was a few feet away, it felt like it took forever to get there.  She struggled to turn on the light.  The switch felt heavy on her finger.  She managed to flip it up and walk toward the vanity.  She closed her eyes before she looked into the mirror; like somehow she knew what she would see would not be believable.  She finally pried open her eyes.

At first, Arwyn only focused on her green eyes.  She always loved them. In fact, it was the only thing she liked about herself.  She has always been very critical of herself.  She never liked her pale complexion; it made her think she looked like a ghost.  Her body was never quite right; her breasts were too small, her stomach was never flat and her feet were way too big.  Her hair never was exactly straight and never the color she liked.  The truth is: Arwyn wanted perfection.  It was a conundrum because no one is ever really perfect, but yet they strive for it.  Some people suffer form anorexia or bulimia; she suffered from a personality disorder to where she strived to be perfect that some psychologist call a maladaptive perfectionist with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  It consumes her day.  She gets up three hours before she has to; gazing in the mirror, trying to suck her stomach in, looking at every blemish, painstakingly applying her makeup and finding the perfect outfit.  Arywn also spends one hour in the shower scrubbing until her skin is red so her skin is soft and washing her hair three times. No one but her knows this disorder.  Not at work, and her friends don’t know because she doesn’t have friends.  She doesn’t even date men, so finding a dead man underneath her bed is perplexing because of that fact.

Arwyn finally looked at herself.  The tears started to swell up.  She had dried blood on both sides of her mouth; her eye was bruised and was turning blacker and blacker by the second.  It looked like an old bruise on her stomach; it was turning yellow. “I don’t remember ever getting this bruise.”  She thought.  She looked at her fingernails; two were broken off and bleeding and it seemed like there was some bloody skin underneath them.  Not being able to look at herself anymore and still in bewilderment, she turned away.  She eyed the dead man underneath the bed as she walked past and out the room half thinking he would get up and perhaps get revenge.  “Why would I think that?” She thought. “There is no way I could have done this.”  She slowly crept down the hallway to the living room. The carpet felt sticky.  It was still dark outside and her place was pitch black and she was afraid to turn the lights on because in the back of her mind she wondered if there would be another dead body.  She padded into the living room and looked around.  Everything seemed normal.  She walked by the living room and into the kitchen.  She flipped the switch.


Blood was smeared on the fridge and it was coagulated on the tile floor.  Arwyn tried to hold back her scream, gulping in large amounts of air and choking in the process.  A glass of wine was on the counter by the sink and the other glass was broken in a million pieces on the floor.  A bottle of Sangria was on the floor as well, but it was stuck in position with blood and hair on it.  “I couldn’t have done this.” She thought. “I couldn’t hurt a fly!”  She started in on panic mode; she started to hyperventilate.  She looked to her knives- one was missing.  It was the sharpest knife she had; the one she could cut meat and even bone with if she wanted to.  Then she was drawn back to the fridge.  Some unknown force made her pull open the freezer.  It creaked as she slowly opened it.  She always meant to spray it with WD-40 but never got around to it.  As soon as she opened it, a face was staring back at her…

His was cut up; tatters of flesh hung from his cheeks, the blue eyes were glazed over looking upwards.  His mouth was open and it looked like his last moments were agony.  His brown hair was frozen stiff and red like frost started to accumulate on his head.  Arwyn screamed.  She started to panic.  “I couldn’t have done this.  There has to be someone else who is doing this.  What do I do?”  Her face began to flush, her heart was beating too fast; her ears were filled with the raging loud heartbeat and she couldn’t hear herself think anymore.  She slammed the freezer door shut and opened the fridge door.  In glass jars, there seemed to be some sort of green colored liquid.  Arywn frowned, “What is this?!?”  There were syringes filled with the same liquid.  She slammed the door.

Arywn was a chemist. In her lab, she worked on ways to sustain beauty and life.  It seemed fitting for her because she is obsessed with being unblemished.  She has worked on it for years and hasn’t yet found a way to perfect the human physical condition.  America has the desire to be perfect.  All of the magazines show beautiful people looking flawless.  Therefore, a lot of people think that is the way they should look.  Sadly, most people do not realize that you cannot be that way.  “I would never bring my work home!” she thought.  As soon as she thought that, she heard a noise in the basement.  Grabbing one of the knives that were not missing; she opened the door and inched down the stairs.  She stopped mid-step when she heard what she thought were chains.  Then she thought she heard some grunting.  She approached the bottom step and looked in amazement.


A naked man was hanging in chains that were bolted to the ceiling.  Blood was seeping from what seemed to be gashes and other type of wounds she could not determine.  His mouth was stuffed with a cloth and covered in duct tape.  As soon as he saw her, his eyes filled with terror.  His legs were restrained by chains bolted to the cement floor and more blood was swirling down the big drain.

He looked like Jesus on the cross, very surreal.  He trembled and the chains rang louder.  Arywn approached him slowly.  The florescent lights hummed and the lights flickered.  She stared in disbelief.  “I don’t understand!” She said out loud.  The man started screaming; well it seemed like he was, but hard to tell because of the duct tape.  Arwyn circled around him and touched him with her finger.  He recoiled at her touch. She came back around to his front.  He has tears streaming down his face.  She ripped off the tape and pulled the cloth out of his mouth that was covered in blood.  “Who are you?” She asked.  The man responded first by coughing and began to stutter, “You you you know who I am, and you are the one who put me here!  What do you want with me? Please let me go!”


“I didn’t do this to you!”

“Yes you did, you crazy bitch!”

“No. No. No.”

“Let me go you crazy cunt!”

“I… don’t know what’s happening!”

“You fucking drugged me and I woke up like this!  Let me go!”

“I didn’t!  I couldn’t!”

“Fucking bitch! You bought me a fucking drink at the bar; you drugged me!”


“Fuck you! You did!  Let me go!”

Arwyn’s mind was spinning.  The basement was going in circles; she felt sick and she vomited on the floor. She wiped her mouth and walked around.  Against the back wall there were some sharp tools.  There was also a steel table with syringes, tools and various other implements that she used in her lab. A bunch of equations was written on a dry erase board, a water hose hung in the corner and plastic sheeting was folded on another table.

“Hey crazy bitch!  Did you kill someone upstairs?  I fucking heard him screaming. Oh please don’t let that happen to me. Please…”

Arwyn ignored him.  She was mesmerized by everything in the basement.  “This has to be a dream.” She thought.  “I will wake up any time now and laugh about how real this dream was.”  She eyed a door in the back of the basement.  She casually opened it and flipped on the light. It was cold in there; it sent shivers down her spine and being naked didn’t help.  In front of her was the worst sight of the night.  Bodies of men hung from hooks; maybe it was a dozen, maybe more. The men were of all different colors, shapes and sizes; all looked young and virulent.  They were all slashed and their lifeless eyes gazing into their afterworld.  Arwyn clasped her hand around her mouth and began to cry and she retched again.  She turned around and walked out of the cooler.  Everything started spinning again.  Flashes appeared before her eyes.


In those images, she saw herself picking up various men at different bars throughout the city.  When the men would leave for the bathroom, she would pull out a vial of powder from her pocket and put in their drinks.  They would get so stupefied she would have to help them out of the establishment and into her car.  She would take them home, offer them a drink and even sometimes have sex with them.  She would then knock them unconscious with whatever contraption that was handy then take the fluid from their brain stem.  But, she would never leave it at that.  She couldn’t let them live, could she?  She would be found out and the research would be banned forever and they would put her away.  She would savagely stab them to death and rip them apart because she felt so much rage or would let them hang in the basement for awhile to suffer before she slowly killed them.  Sometimes she would saw off a head to admire it later.  Oh how she hated herself and the way men never gave her much attention. But, the fluid was the key.  Secretly after a mishap with a coworker, (his wife reported him missing, but they never found him) he died and she found out that some fluid from a man’s brain stem can restore a woman’s vitality.  Of course her superiors wouldn’t let her take a man’s brain stem fluid; so she had to improvise.

Arwyn awoke from her state.  But, she wasn’t Arwyn anymore, she was Jules.  Jules was always the one to do the dirty work.  Arwyn never had enough “balls” to get the job done.  She began to laugh.  The man screamed as Jules jumped up and thrust a knife into his stomach and started to slash his face into pieces.  She needed the fluid, she loved her rage.

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