August 14, 2011 at 7:29 PM (Uncategorized)

We all have secrets.  Some are embarrassing, some are perhaps criminal and some are dismal.  Sometimes you can keep those secrets hidden and perhaps share it with someone you trust; those select few in your life.  But, the secrets that you keep can eat you alive.  I’ve kept a secret for maybe twenty-four years.

I have only told a few people about this secret and now I am telling anyone who reads this. I am not posting this on Facebook due to the fact that most of my family members are on there.

When I was in my twenties, (don’t remember exactly the age) I started to remember some things when I was a little girl.  I don’t remember exactly what age nor how long it happened. There was a family member that used to baby sit me a lot. There were a lot of family members that baby sat me, so hopefully no one can figure this out.  This family member paid extra attention to me; always played with my hair, etc.  No one thought it was out of the ordinary.  Now, I only remember a couple of instances; but I believe I was molested or worse by this family member.  The one time I mostly remember is staying the night at my Grandparents’ house.  I was sleeping downstairs on the fold out couch.  Next, the family member came down in their underwear and laid right next to me.  The next thing I remember is crying, calling home hysterical and asked my parents to come get me.  Another instance I was at home sitting in the recliner and my dad was asleep.  This family member came out of the bathroom, saw that my dad was sleeping and motioned me to come in there with them.  I kept on shaking my head no, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I did go in there. Thankfully my young mind blocked out the bad things that possibly happened.

As I have gotten older, I started to piece more things together.  How I am uncomfortable around this family member and how sexualized I was at a very young age. For example, I would have my barbie and ken have sex with each other, I would find porno magazines and get excited by looking at them and the same for movies and play touch with the neighbor kid.  I just seemed to know more about sex that the normal little child.  I really don’t know when the supposed sexual abuse started and stopped.  I sometimes think that it was all imaginary since I can’t remember the actual abuse, but deep in my heart I know it happened.  I think it has always affected me in some sort of way.  I have a hard time having orgasms and maybe once I had one during sex.  I have a hard time trusting men and I used to think I should be treated like crap.  I was in a emotionally abusive relationship for awhile and after that I felt I didn’t deserve a good man.  I eventually stopped talking to family members about my relationship problems because they would be so judgmental and hard on me.  I eventually shut down emotionally and kept everyone at an arms length and perhaps now I still do in some way a little bit.

I am not going to blame the abuse on everything that has gone wrong in my life emotionally; although I tend to have depression issues.  I guess what bothers me is that no one truly understands me or my mind.  I keep a lot of things hidden.  I still have a hard time communicating my feelings even with my boyfriend, the love of my life.  I take things really hard, but try not to show it.  I am a very sensitive person and again, I try not to show it.  I have self-esteem issues, as I don’t feel good about myself most days.

Maybe it’s easier for strangers to read this and perhaps someone will understand what I have been through.  I strongly believe what happens to us as children does affect us for the rest of our lives in some way or another.  It saddens me to know that millions of children are abused every single day and I feel their pain in some way.  A friend of mine asked me if I would want to be hypnotized to remember everything that has happened and I told her no because my mind blocked it out for a reason.  What good would it do to remember it all?  I don’t think I would be able to handle it.

I wish it didn’t happen, but it did and again I am not sure exactly what.  I hope this family member is ashamed in some way for what they did and I pray that they didn’t do it to anyone else.  I guess I am afraid to ask my cousins and such because I don’t want them to know what happened to me and perhaps I don’t want to shame the family.

Well, this is my big secret and perhaps a little weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.


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Chris Isaak,Bumbershoot, *A New Place Soon & More

October 3, 2010 at 1:33 PM (Music, Concerts, Uncategorized)

Sorry that is has been awhile since I have blogged anything; like with my reading, I will read book after book then I won’t read for awhile. I haven’t finished my novel yet either. I’ve said I will finish it, but I haven’t. Sigh. I really need to get on myself and get the novel done.  It’s a great scary, thrilling story and I believe others will love it.  I admit that when I do finish that I am scared of the process of getting it edited and published.

In other news, it looks like me and the man will be getting a house!  It’s perfect!  We fell in love with it!  Hopefully we will be getting good news about it this week.  The landlords liked us (thought we were a cute couple).  We need a new place because living in this current tiny place  can take it’s toll from time to time.  It will be good for the both of us and our relationship.  Also by getting this house we are growing our relationship and looking towards the future.

I finally got a job!  It doesn’t pay much or has any benefits… But, it’s a job and I will finally have a constant paycheck coming in.  I’m constantly busy and always learning something new there.  I do admit I get frustrated due to how I’m getting trained, but I guess that is par for the course.

It’s been stressful for me for the past few months wondering if I will get a job, get out of this place and into somewhere new, lack of money and kicking myself for not having the will to finish my novel.  But, everything seems to be coming together.  I hope good things will continue and I really hope that I will finish my novel and find some way to get it published and out there.  I also hope to get more interviews on here in the near future.

Also, we went to quite a few concerts in the past 2 months.  I finally got to see Chris Isaak!  I’ve loved him since I was 9 years-old and when I saw that he was coming to Portland I couldn’t pass it up!  I met the drummer, Kenny and the lead guitarist Herschel!  We even got front row!!!  Kenny threw me both drum sticks after the show!

Carl won tickets to the Bumbershoot Music Festival in Seattle!  They included Main Stage Access and private sessions to bands!  Our Private Sessions were Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes AND Courtney Love.

She is a train wreck…  So, this is what I could understand from what she was saying:

-Her guitarist has been living with her for 5 years and he puts up with her-James McAvoy will be playing Kurt in the biopic; she didn’t come out and say it, but she said his last name and something about when she saw him scratching his balls at an awards show, she knew it had to be him

-She does talk to her daughter sometimes and is pissed because she just found out that she went and met Dave Grohl

-She hasn’t had plastic surgery in 5 years

-She lives off of Hole money

– When her and Kurt were together they really didn’t have much money as everyone thought; about $175 thousand in the bank and that most of the money that they got went into their daughter’s trust

‎- She is still fighting about Kurt’s ashes- She was going to go shopping afterwards at her fav store (forgot the name) and back in the day that was the only place that would take checks so her and Kurt would always go there because for a period they were broke

-The song “Honey” on her new album is about Kurt

-Her and Kurt used to throw Skittles at Pearl Jam back in the day.  She said her and Eddie has made up

We went two days and we saw: Nekko Case, The Decemberists, Bob Dylan, Rise Against, Hole and Weezer. I had to admit that Weezer was my favorite show of the weekend and I got to touch Rivers Como! I also got to touch Courtney Love and hang out with her guitarist. I even got into the pit for a few songs of Rise Against for a few songs before I had to get out. We had a great view for all of the concerts. We were in the front off to the side. Enjoy the rest of the pics!
Bob Dylan:

Rise Against:

Hole: (they kind of sucked: 5 covers and the same song at the beginning and the end and she did a bad cover of “Jeremy” in the private session and at the concert)


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I Was Dupped RE: Izzy Stradlin Interview

June 30, 2010 at 12:47 PM (Uncategorized)

I had to delete my last interview with Izzy Stradlin because I found out the person I interviewed was a poser.  I enjoy doing interviews and up until this point, I interviewed very honest and real people.   I’m sorry for this and it won’t happen again.  I will take extra precautions to make sure the person is for real.  Thank you for reading.  Because of you the readers, you make it worthwhile.  I will not disappoint you next time.  Please accept my apology.


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I’ve Come A Long Way- Literally

March 14, 2010 at 2:36 PM (Uncategorized)

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in a while.  I was waiting on some interviews, but I never got the questions sent back.  Hopefully I will; I miss doing interviews.  The other reason why I haven’t blogged or been on any social medial outlet much is because I’ve been busy and my life has changed.

If someone would have told me early last year that I would move meet my soul mate and move to the other end of the country I would have told them that they were crazy!  Well, it did happen.  I want to go back and explain what happened from then to now so that you will get a better understanding. I guess I don’t need to offer any explanation or give any reason why I did what I did, but I want to share the story.

I leftPepsi back in February of 09′.  It was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I already made changes within myself by that point and was looking toward the future, but something was missing.  For a few years, since my trip to Boston, I felt that I needed to leave Ohio and go someplace new.  I would always convince myself that I was just crazy and everything you need is in central Ohio.  But, the nagging feeling kept creeping back up.  An old classmate,C, from Lincolnview found me on Facebook after Pepsi.  The funny thing was that we never really talked in High School.  I found him to be funny, kind, sweet and everything I wanted in a guy.  Of course I kept that to myself and from him for a while (but I think he knew anyway.)  We continued to converse, I got a new job and things seemed okay for a while.  I dated, was always disappointed and my old friend would comfort me.  He was going through the same things too; getting frustrated with dating.  I wasn’t happy at the new job.  C and I kept on conversing and realizing we have a lot in common and I would say to him: “Why do you have to live all the way out there?”  I then was laid off from the other job and started writing again, went to a bunch of concerts, turned 30 and enjoyed myself for the most part.  But, something was missing.  I continued to see people and still was frustrated and disappointed and deep down I knew the man for me was clear across the country.  Me and C began talking on the phone more and we both had strong feelings for each other.  I decided (rather my heart) to go out for a visit in October.  My heart was tugging me out there and I couldn’t deny it.  We both were nervous and scared.  I didn’t tell anyone that the real reason why I was going out there.  I figured it was  no one’s business.  I just said I had the time to do what I wanted and always wanted to go back and visit Washington.  When I was on the plane, looking out the window overlooking Washington a voice in my head told me I was home.  When I got off the plane and C met me, I just knew.  We fell in love (we started falling before that).  I didn’t want to go back to Ohio and I cried the whole way home.  A piece of my heart was on the other side of the country, but I knew I would be back.  I came back a month later and stayed a month and again, I had to come back to Ohio and didn’t want to.

Frankly, I was depressed.  I sat up in my room all  of the time, always on the computer, watching TV and cuddling my cats (except for the times I forced myself). Looking back, I realize I was depressed for a long time. (Even though I went to concerts and played kickball in the Fall).  My roommate tried to get me to go downstairs and hang out, but I never wanted to- I just didn’t want to be there (not only because I missed my love, but my place didn’t feel like “home”, “home” was with C).  The only thing I looked forward to was talking to C on the phone and longed for the day to see him again.  I wished I could teleport; I wanted to be able to be there in an instant.  I would sit there and try to figure out ways to get there.  I started selling my things on Craigslist and it was going very slow like a snail.  I wanted to be there by Feb; get enough money to afford a Uhaul, but unemployment was going to run out soon and no one was biting on my Craigslist ads.  Then, something happened (too personal) and I had to get there.  Katy was sympathetic to what was going on and offered to pay for my plane ticket.  I guess I knew I wasn’t coming back.  As soon as I touched down, and saw him, I knew that this is where I was supposed to be.  In a perfect world, I wanted to move out here with all of my things and get my own place.  But, with no money and still have to pay rent at the other place, it wasn’t possible.  My roommate was mad with my decision on not coming back.  I’m not going into the details, but, he has come around.  I’m getting my tax refund soon, so I’m using that to fly my cats out here- I miss them terribly.  My dad is selling my car and he is shipping some of my belongings out to me.  I do miss my friends, some of my things and some things about Columbus, but this is my home.  Things are just things, and they can be replaced.

My job is going well and it is good to finally get some money coming in.  I’m learning the city and finding my way around.  It is beautiful out here and will be venturing out to see more.  I’m not quite used to the weather yet; I seem to be always cold (lol)  and I’m looking forward to summer and swimming in the lake we live by.  I love seeing the mountains and on a clear day the sky is so beautiful and blue.  I hope I can make some friends of my own here soon and be able to go out with them, but it takes time for me to make friends.

I’m at peace now.  Of course, I will be better once my cats are here.  I’m not depressed anymore.  I feel more like myself now.  I’m not as insecure about myself; more comfortable in my own skin.  C is wonderful.  He’s supportive, loving, funny- just everything I’ve ever wanted.  He makes me feel beautiful.  I don’t want to sound Jerry McGuireish, but he completes me.  I love him more and more every day and I didn’t think that was possible.  I look forward to finding out new things about him and experiencing life together.  I know, like in every relationship, that it is not always going to be butterflies and rainbows, but this relationship will always be worth working on together.  He is “home”.  “Home is a feeling I buried in you.”  I will always love you C, you are my soul mate.  Through the good times and the bad, I will always support you and be by your side.  You are a part of my soul and my heart.

My biggest gratitude to Katy; thank you.  You made my dream come true.  We’ve been friends for a long time and knew what I needed.  Your generosity will ever be forgotten and hopefully soon, you can come out for a trip.

Always follow your heart and your gut.  Take chances and do something you don’t think you would normally do.  Life is short, make the most of it and don’t miss any opportunities, especially in love.


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No Matter- A Poem

October 25, 2009 at 7:03 PM (Uncategorized)

This is a poem my boyfriend and I wrote together.

I am strong,

and I know That “this” is supposed to be,

No matter the days,

No matter the hours,

or the distance,

We will prevail,

I am not wrong,

and I know that this will one day become relief,

Counting seconds,

Tallying minutes,

Marking miles,

and filling sails.

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Destiny Has Called

October 22, 2009 at 7:40 PM (Uncategorized)

The 1st time I went to Washington State, it felt like home and that was about 15 years ago. I never stopped talking about it and always wanted to go back.   I did go back; last week.  I need to explain some things before I go any further with this.

I’ve never been lucky in love.  I was always disappointed and frustrated. I would cry myself and my soul to sleep many nights and I would dream about that right person for me.  The one who would “get me”, the one who would just know me and love me for who I am.  Someone who would be in sync with me at every movement; at every point. He would look into my eyes and see my soul and my future- vice versa.  He would be not only my lover, but my best friend,cheerleader, supporter and my guide. He would make me laugh and also accept my silliness. This love encompasses everything and you feel whole and at peace.  The exact feeling is indescribable.

I have now found that now.  Perhaps we already knew before we met again after so long.  He was in my life before, but we hardly knew each other then. I think these 12-13 years of growing and having our experiences made us for “this” at this time.  I suppose we don’t really know why this has happened now, but it has. This is more/extra of a reason why I’m moving to Washington.  Not only because I love it there and when I landed, a voice told me “You are home” but also because I found true love.

I realized other things as well.  Lately, in this past year, I felt that I needed a change- something new.  I had an epiphany and thought that I needed to leave Ohio. Things like not finding a job yet, not getting certain things for my room I need, writing again and reconnecting with him among other various things have made me realize that these signs were here and I wasn’t noticing them at the time.

I am taking actions now so I can move to Washington.  I started applying for jobs, made some contacts and now the Universe knows of my plans.  I’m manifesting my desires so they can become a reality.  If I had one wish right now, I wish that I would come into a large sum of money so I can just take off with my cats into his arms now. But, until then, I will keep plugging away, anxiously waiting to see him with open arms and begin my new life.



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Sounds Of Comfort-Bringing Back Memories

October 10, 2009 at 11:35 PM (Uncategorized)

A friend on Twitter mentioned something and it compelled me to write about it. Growing up, I was pretty much an only child.  I have an older half brother, but he lived with his mother, so I didn’t see him much.  My younger brother wasn’t born until I was almost 15.  I was alone a lot; when my parents were married, dad worked either 2nd or 3rd shift so I didn’t get to see him until the weekends (and when I did see him, I didn’t leave his side) and my mom, well, to be honest she really wasn’t there emotionally for me. I sought refuge in my room and my play-set in the backyard that dad built for me himself.  It was under a big tree next to the field that let to a small creek in the back. He hung a tire for me from that tree and the set had a balcony on the top and I could slide down a PVC pipe down from it.  I remember always being afraid of going down the slide because it was so high up; but I always managed to do it anyway and was so proud of myself afterwards. I also had a swing that I would swing on for hours and make up songs.  I think I made up those songs so I could feel comforted.  I would always go to my grandpa’s backyard right next door and play in the tool shed; I felt it was like my house and then I would go and sit underneath a big tree in his yard and watch the crop duster spray the fields. Then, eventually, I would venture back to the creek and walk along it to my uncle’s yard and sit on the bridge he made and then I would walk into the cornfields and take some baby corn to eat; it tasted so sweet. I would also visit grandpa Barney on occasion because he would always give me a sweet treat of some sort but I wouldn’t stay long because, well, he was the grumpy type. (RIP grandpa, I always know you meant well) Please, don’t feel any bit sorry for me; I also had my Great Aunt Mattie who took care of me often. (I miss you everyday)

But, at night, when I was in my room seeking solace and when I rested my head on my pillow and fall asleep I would hear the furnace kick on and it would make me smile. It would wake me up, but for some reason, the sound comforted me, made me feel safe and I always went back to sleep.  Even now, in the winter, when I hear the furnace, I smile. Maybe because even then, as a child, I knew everything would be alright eventually and I have to remind myself that now everything will be alright. I think as a child I knew more than I thought I did.

*My play set dad built for me was torn down about 10 years ago and I admit I cried when I saw it was gone…

My friend @Resarrection posted this: “The sound of the furnace reminds me of the night we lit the pilot & laying on the floor in the hall talking & laughing. Makes me smile.” & “I know exactly what you mean, makes me feel safe & warm, makes it feel like ‘home’.”

Thanks Resa, I thought I was the only one who felt that and it brought back memories.


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Out Of This World U2 Concert- Kickoff in Chicago- 360 Tour

September 18, 2009 at 7:01 PM (Music, Concerts, Uncategorized)

Growing up, I would always hear a U2 song. Whether I turned on MTV, (when it was good) the radio, or sat in my parent’s den to listen to music; U2 was always around and even now, their music is prominent in my life. So, when my friend Brad gave me the opportunity to see them live opening night in Chicago (360 Tour- September 12th, 2009), I couldn’t pass it up! Even if you like them or not, you have to admit that U2 is the best and biggest band out there; they have given us hit after hit for over 20 years.

We (Brad, his sister Allison and me) began our road trip to Chicago on Saturday.  We had the tunes going and it was a pretty smooth 4 hour ride.  (The rest of the trip will be posted later) We got to the hotel, rested for a minute, Brad’s cousin Derek showed up, we changed and headed out for the U2 concert which was at Soldier Field. We were staying in a suburb, so the hotel shuttled us to the Forest Park Terminal to ride the Blue Line, which is a part of the CTA. A worker there was kind enough to help us out and told us where to go to get a weekend train pass and let us on for free!  When we got on, we found out that we had to take a shuttle from one of the stops to another train because of construction. I admit, we were kind of confused, but made our way. We walked around for awhile, found a CVS to get our passes, then walked on down to Soldier Field.  Now, I knew we were going to be a bit of walking that day, and for some reason, I thought we would be directly taken to Soldier Field… No.  I could not tell you what street we were on to start with, but we walked a lot of blocks and it took awhile to get to our most anticipated destination of the night.

We got there pretty much after the doors opened and I was determined to get close to the front as I possibly could!  The others didn’t think it was possible…  As soon as we walked in, we saw this:

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 102U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 103

It is called the “Spaceship”.  I was in awe of it.  It was the most spectacular thing I have ever seen in a concert in my entire life. I saw the pit, and I decided to go for it.  I walked around the side, told the others to come with me and I went right to the front! It is hard to describe the set up, so you can see it here: Yes, we got up to the front even though people have waited for 11 hours to do so.  We were on the left part of the stage where Adam would be playing.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 128U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 130

First up was Snow Patrol and and I was pleasantly surprised! They had a lot of energy and sounded very good live! The stadium wasn’t filled up yet at this point,but a lot of us were singing along with the songs.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 111

After Snow Patrol was done they told us that the U2 concert would be nothing like we’ve seen before, you could feel the anticipation. The whole place started filling in and right before they came on, it was packed.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 133

The excitement in the air was exhilarating.  Finally, after 20 years of listening to them, I get to see U2 live! They came on stage and the whole venue went crazy! I couldn’t believe it; I was here opening night of their 360 Tour in Chicago! U2 did not disappoint!

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 145

They were so full of life, love and energy.  They went walking on these moveable bridges on their specially built stage so they could be closer to their fans.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 154

We were directly in front of Adam who had a smile on his face the whole time.

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 144

The “spaceship” had a honeycomb structure that moved up and down and it was also a screen:

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 053U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 172

There was so much to look at during the concert.  My eyes were always moving and I was singing along. They were walking all around and it was quite fun to figure out where they were at.  They played a lot of their old hits and they played a few from their new album.  “Get On Your Boots” was a lot of fun, so was “I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight”.  Of course, I couldn’t wait until they played “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” and when they did, I must admit it brought tears to my eyes because it is one of my favorites.

One of the most fun parts was when Bono put on this jacket and swung around on his microphone:

U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 180U2 Concert- Soldier Field- Chicago1 Sept 12 2009 181

The concert lasted almost 3 hours and I didn’t want it to end.  U2 put on the best show I have ever seen.  They are Rock Gods and they always will be. They rocked my face off!  I highly suggest seeing this tour.  You will not be disappointed and will walk away with no regrets, only higher admiration for U2.

Of course, I was just a little tired after the concert.  Ha-ha

tired from standing us after the u2 concert

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Digging Deep Into Me

September 16, 2009 at 12:39 AM (Uncategorized)

I’ve never had much luck dating, nor luck in relationships.  It seems that I usually find myself with someone who either doesn’t want a relationship, just wants to be “friends” or tends to forget I’m alive. I have beaten myself up about it many times often wondering if there is something wrong with me.  I tend to think I’m a great catch; loving, committed, laid-back, honest, etc etc. I usually mull over what happened and always come to the conclusion that I tend to pick the wrong type of guy for myself and swear I’ll never do it again. Dates don’t come that often for me and it seems I spend a lot of time alone.  (I do go out with friends and such and I’m not talking about that type of alone)  I also think that I cut myself short and “take what I can get” because I feel that I can’t do any better in that certain point of time.  Of course, it’s fun for a while, but it wears off.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I think I’ve figured out why I keep gravitating and attracting these situations and guys.  I think subconsciously it’s what I want; nothing serious.  I’m independent- I like to do what I want when I want and I don’t like to answer to someone.  I have a hard time trusting due to past events and I put up this wall and try not to let anyone in. I put this guard up because I think it won’t work out anyway so when “whatever it is” ends, I won’t be hurt badly. Do I want to be this way?  No. Do I want to feel this way? No.  I so desperately want to love and be loved.  It’s a conundrum. I freak out when a guy does something nice for me; I don’t know how to act. I shrink away because I wonder what he wants from me- does he have an agenda?  Does he just want to get into my pants? I’m not used to guys treating me nice and want to do things for me out of the kindness of their hearts.  I know that I have to let my guard down, but it’s so hard to do.  I wonder how I will overcome this… Will it be by someone who comes along who is finally right for me?  Someone who will love me for me and see me for what I really am? Someone who will want to get to know me and ask me questions?  Hold my hand?  Actually look into my eyes with admiration?  I don’t know.  No man has ever “truly” known me or has wanted to.  My words seemed to have meant nothing.  It’s hard to retrain yourself from the past; it’s hard sometimes to let go of what has happened.

Well, when that right guy for me comes along, he will have found his muse, his partner, supporter, mentor, lover, his cheerleader and a million other things that comes along with me.  Until then, I guess I will just keep working on myself to make me better and continue on the journey of self-love, determination and patience.

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A Little Peek Into My Writing- My Feelings

September 2, 2009 at 1:29 AM (Uncategorized)

As I embark on my writing, I feel happy to be doing it again but yet I’m nervous, anxious, hopeful and sometimes discouraged.  I have recieved a lot of encouragement, positive feedback and there are quite a few people who like what I have written. But along with that, I have encountered negativity and doubt. I am writing for the whole world to see. Some is my most innermost thoughts, others are interviews, reviews  and stories of my life.

I just wrote a short story called “Fluid” and I am proud of it.  I sat on it for almost two months before finishing. When I was done, I felt relief and I couldn’t wait to share it with everyone. (and I thank everyone who did read it, gave me suggestions and edited it) I did submit it and I will try to submit it to other sites as well. I would love to try a magazine, but I have to do some research on what types because my story is very dark and has a few “choice” words in it.  I want to start writing my novel, and I have the 1st few paragraphs in my head.  To be honest, I don’t know where to start with the research for it. It may call me to go to the library and spend countless hours.

Being unemployed is a blessing in a way because it gives me time to write and interview while I look for a job.  I would LOVE to freelance for a magazine or some sort of online publication.  I keep hoping that the right person will find my words and give me a chance.  I know I can’t wait on others to help me and I am very determined and won’t give up on finding what I want. I am capable of a lot of things and I know in my heart the path I’m on is the right one.

I know I will continue to hit adversity from many different arenas, especially with my writing, but I know I have the talent and the passion for it.  Not everyone is going to like what I write, nor is everyone excited for me.  I guess I want the ones closest to me to be excited for me and read what I write.  I want to make them proud, make them see that I can do this; they will see my novel on the bestsellers list someday and displayed in stores. Maybe they can’t see what I can see.  I can clearly see my novel cover on a display case and when I open up the book I can see my “thank you’s” and then my dedication on the next. I flip to the beginning of where the story starts and it reads:

” He looked up at the night sky after the act was done. Rain rolled down his face like tears. He smiled and the dark clouds rolled away to show the bright stars twinkling in so that it seemed that they were sending him a message.  He glanced down and saw the blood swirling around the pavement into the sewage drain taking it all away into oblivion.  The alley that was once lit up by lightning was dark again.  He smiles, looks at his trophy and walks away into the nebulous night.”

Then I go to the back of the book and see my picture and the “about me”.  I then smile and am proud of myself for my accomplishment.

THIS is my vision.  THIS is what I want.  It is within my grasp.

Thank you again to those of you who read my blog and also who has read my short story.  It means a lot to me and you will not be forgotten.

Never give up on your dreams,


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