Conquering Complacency

April 1, 2011 at 12:47 AM (Life Lessons)


Growing up, especially in the Midwest, teaches you to be happy with what you have; to be thankful for just having a job, etc.  You receive this life plan from your family: Go to school, go to college, get a job, fall in love, get married and have children- all in that order.   I initially wanted to go to college to be a vet tech, but with working full time and trying to study biology didn’t go very well.  I love animals, but the classes were too much for me and to make the long story short, I was convinced to go back to college to get an Associate Degree in Business Management.  I thought I was choosing the right path.  I thought that “Hey, I will get a degree then get a high paying job!”  That was never the case.

I became an Administrative Assistant.  After working at Pepsi for a few years, I had an epiphany that working in an office wasn’t for me.  I was never happy and frankly, I got pissed off very often.  Even when I had this epiphany, I continue to work in an office because I have 11 years experience and it’s all I can get.  I am working at a dead end job now, only making $10 per hour with no benefits at all.  I have gotten complacent AGAIN.

In the past 2 years I have realized I need a job where I can be creative and do something that I love.  I tend to get bored very easily and all of this leads to disinterest to do things I love to do like: finish my novel, write poetry & short stories, do interviews and draw.  I have all of these other plans, but do I do them?  No. My days are long and boring and I also have to deal with idiotic, nasty people at work.  By the time I get home at 6 pm, I don’t want to do anything.  I don’t really know how to put this into words, so I will try.  I know we are always told to keep your work life and personal life separate, but that is complete and utter bullshit.  We are human, we have feelings and thoughts.  Of course our work lives effect our personal lives.  I feel bland at work, so therefore when I get home I feel bland and have no inspiration.  I seemed to have lost it in the last 4-5 months.

I got up this morning after dragging myself out of bed because I didn’t want to go to work.  I don’t want to look at my nasty, smelly coworker anymore.  I don’t want to do the same thing for 8-9 hours a day.  I don’t want to fight my coworker with the radio.  (She turns it off and I need music to make it through the day)  I also don’t want to hear her burp all day, keep seeing her underwear as she bends over in chair and look at her stretch pants.  I know this sounds mean, but I really can’t take it anymore.  I also can’t take the favoritism  in the office and give rewards for bad behavior.  This bitter taste all stems from the stagnant existence that is my work life. I get unhappy and everything else seems to annoy me at a quantum level.  As I was driving to work, I realized this:  I am destined to do great things.  No, I don’t have to put up with this bullshit, no matter what my family says.  No, I don’t want to be grateful I have a job; quite frankly, I was happier unemployed.  No my dear family, having coworkers like this does not have to be “the way it is”.  No no no no no! I need to do what is right for me!  Then, I decided that I need to work with animals and/or people and be creative.  I need to find a job that suits my needs, pays well and gives me benefits.  I need more money to get out of debt (another thing that depresses me and how can I get out of debt only making $10 per hour?)  I don’t deserve just to scrimp by.  I want to live comfortably and then be able to own the bookstore I have always wanted.

Working with animals would be ideal for me because I love them so much.  They bring me such joy and inspiration!  I would wake up every morning eager to get to work!  Also, the same for people, in some kind of setting to where I can help.  I want to be a part of some greater good.  I want to feel that I have made a difference to someone!  I started looking for new jobs and unfortunately, the only ones available that I am qualified for is in the office setting.  The big questions for myself are:  ”

Do I continue to look for office jobs with more money until I can finally find the job I truly want?

Would it be better for me at the moment to find a better paying job that is in an office setting just to get out of the one now until I find the job I want?

Will someone ever give me a chance to really prove myself that I am the best with animals and people?

Will the universe give me the opportunity I desire?

I know my novel will get done and somehow I know it will get published, it’s just me that is standing in the way right now.  I know how I am and who I am and I shouldn’t let anyone or anything stand it my way, but yet I do.  I need to break through these walls that are holding me back.  Now I know that going to school, going to college, getting a job, falling in love, getting married and having children- all in that order doesn’t have to be in that order or for anyone  or me for that matter.  My life is my life and I should be able to do it in any order I want.  I know now that just having  just “a job”  isn’t something I need to strive for.  I need to strive for my perfect way of making a living that makes me happy.   I do see myself owning that bookstore down the road and I do see myself being a novelist. But, right now, those dreams seem to be on hold until I can get out from under all of this oppressing burden that holds down my  creative brilliance.  I also want to state that to spite everything else, my love life is great.  My soulmate Carl understands me, knows what I’ve been going through and knows what I am capable of.

Today, I found a 10 dollar bill on the ground.  Hopefully this is a precursor of luck for me.  Perhaps the universe is sending me a message that everything will fall into place soon.  This too soon shall pass.

Here is a song that I can relate to at this time that helps me get through:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jm0N_gLAU-M

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3 Comments

  1. Cheryl E Gordon said,

    Love the Truth in Your Epiphany! Wishing You the very Best in your Change in the Path of Your Road. Blessings!

  2. Tom Barnes said,

    Misty; I’ve read your stuff, you have great potential. Follow your dreams, you are capable of greatness, I really believe that!

  3. Misty Wilkins said,

    Thanks To, I appreciate that!

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